Searching for Buffalo

April 13, 2014 § 7 Comments

saxton_searchingforbuffalo

“Searching for Buffalo” / oil on canvas / Patricia Saxton

Several years ago I’d lost my way, so I ran away from one life, back to myself. Ten days turned into three weeks; three weeks turned into six months. It was probably the best gift I’d ever given myself ~ in essence, permission to do what I love; permission to follow my spirit.

It was a time before I became a mother, before I owned a home, before all the responsibility that comes with those kinds of major territories. I had my business, which I packed up (files, computers, printers) and took with me, along with my two cats, a heart that was tangled up in a very wrong place, and a strong desire to feel good, to spread my wings, to reach higher. It was the right time.

After my initial excitement, I will tell you this: panic set in. Friends had helped me drive across the country to the most magical part of the southwest, where I’d rented an incredible home owned by two artists situated on the edge of a national forest, and after I got settled in, and they left, there I was ~ face to face with nothing but myself, my dreams and the sound of coyote calls in the night. I was there to do something I’d often imagined ~ doing what I loved in a beautiful setting, unhampered by schedules, with no distractions, no blockades, no big worries, and with sudden, deep dread, I thought, “What if I fail?” “What if all this creative passion I’ve felt inside is just a cosmic lark? What if I freeze up, if inspiration doesn’t actually flow? What if I’m just kidding myself?” And the answer was, “Well, you’re about to find out.”

So I went to work doing what I set out to do. Following my instincts. Moving as the spirit moved. Every day I hiked, I swam, I painted, wrote and played the piano. I was a river overflowing. I could hardly keep up with all that ran through my veins, onto the canvas, the paper, the keys.

I made friends who introduced me to healing practices beyond measure, other friends who showed me the back roads. I became intimately engaged with the soft, red, craggy earth and rocks that loomed high above and all around. I ran with the open sky, I searched for buffalo, and I discovered a warrior inside.

There has never been any turning back from this experience. Bumps in the road, absolutely. Hard times, sure. All the stuff of life. But I can go back to this place in my mind at will. I can feel the warm rock beneath my back, the big sky above. I can recall the warrior. I can pull up the magic. And most importantly of all, I can know what’s possible if we give it permission.

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§ 7 Responses to Searching for Buffalo

  • Rand MacIvor says:

    “Hear me roar!”

    Like

  • Elise says:

    after suffering a traumatic brain injury (i fell on an improperly painted cement floor) while managing a floral design team my life figuratively and literally fell apart. I recently created a studio in our home and began creating jewelry to fill the need to create, to express, to have that energy you talked about move through my viens. Warrior we are – thank you sharing such inspiration.

    Like

  • Darlin, you astound me…………….. what you did so young, I am struggling to do now, after the children, the hurdles and the hardships. I am a survivor and am finally finding all my creative juices flowing all at once. I am glad that we met and that I can call you friend ❤

    Like

  • Powerful! Lots of stuff gets in the way of giving ourselves permission to do what we need to do.

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  • Lucie says:

    I don’t think you have a single cell that is not creative….and brave! Even your ‘escape’ from being ‘lost’ was creative. You truly are an amazing and beautiful soul. Love you, Patricia!

    Like

  • Cheryl Sims says:

    So proud of you!! I could always tell you were an amazing person. Proud to call you cousin. Alan and Jane are coming to visit on Thursday and we are beyond excited!! Wish you were with them.

    Like

  • Gary S says:

    Very nice Pat. the art the story the passion

    Like

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